HOLY POOP!

I wouldn't normally blog such an event in our lives, but my good friend, Deanna, told me I had to document this because as our kids grow we forget all the "funny" things that happen. Her youngest child is now 8 years old and she finds my life to be extremely humorous. This would be one of those "funny" events.

So, Claire has had a killer diaper rash for going on...3 months. Yes, 3 months. I am not neglectful, she just has a very sensitive booty. I have spent big bucks on every diaper rash ointment, cream, powder, spray on the market...you name it, we have tried it. Anyway, thanks to the wonders of the internet I came across the solution to diaper rash...vinegar and fresh air. We use vinegar to clean her up every time we change her butt and we let her lay around in the nude for short periods of time everyday to try to KILL the diaper rash. So, a couple of days ago, I changed her butt, left her naked on the floor and instructed my "football distracted" husband to "keep an eye on her" while I checked my email. Simple enough. Five minutes after I logged on, I heard Kyle scream...well, not really scream...it was more like a yelp. He yelped for me to come to the family room. I ran assuming the worst...gaping wound, broken bone, vomit. I wasn't even close. Apparently, as Kyle was watching a football game (mind you, a game that was played several years ago...thanks NFL network) he didn't notice that our lovely little girl had POOPED on the carpet, smeared it all over her naked body, played with her toys with her poop covered hands, chewed on her poop covered shoes, and then in an attempt to get her dad to notice her, she rolled across the poop covered carpet to get to him. Wow. Words can't describe seeing your beautiful baby literally COVERED in poo. So, while I started screaming out orders for baths to be run, carpet cleaner to be found and children to steer clear of said area, what response do I get from my ultra-helpful husband???? And I quote: "I can't clean her up or I will puke..gag gag" (should have thought of that while you were watching the Packers lose a game in '98) So, I "rinsed" her off and then bathed her and cleaned off her only "good" shoes (Kyle was going to wash these precious, expensive, little, leather shoes with dish soap in the sink...brilliant) while Kyle hosed off her bike in the backyard and then held his breath while he scrubbed the carpet with boat upholstery cleaner (it worked like a charm...you can't even tell there was crap ground into the carpet). After the kids were in bed and things had calmed down, I shared with Kyle that I was afraid Claire may get sick from...ingesting her own excrement. Help me. Kyle assured me that there is something in our genetic makeup that stops humans from eating their own crap. O GOOD. Now I feel better. Go Packers.

No pictures were taken of this event, as you can imagine.